Killing Memory's Thief
by Starring Charmed
Summary: COWRITTEN: Charmed Writer, Starring Piper. What happens when the ffn twins get together? Houdini, Sillies, and way more fun than should be possible! R&R please!
1. Phoebe, the other white meat

Disclaimer: This sick injustice of the world is as follows: We do not, nor will we ever, own Charmed. However, because we refuse to accept this sad and unfair fact, we will continue to use the characters in our twisted stories. I advise you not to try to explain to us our disillusions. The results would not be pretty.  
  
AN: Twin A: Hello and welcome to our less than average  
  
Twin B: agonizingly un-funny attempt at humour.  
  
Parental discretion is NOT necessary. We really do not need that kind of hassle. We do, though, caution you against reading on if you are: 1) eating 2) under the age of 12 3) in any way against playful and harmless insults. Thank you and review  
  
FLAMING IS WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS!!  
  
"Demon," Prue yelled from the front door, tossing her coat on the rack conveniently placed next to the entrance way. For a second, she pondered the reason that whoever had invented coat racks hadn't come up with a more original name for it, then made her way through the Manor in search of her sisters.   
  
"Demon," she repeated upon spotting Phoebe curled up on the couch, reading a dime store romance novel. Prue gave her a disgusted look as she read the title. 'When Lust Goes Bad'.   
  
"What no, 'Hello, dear sister, how was your day?'? No 'Hey, I'm home. Whatcha up to?'? Or how about a simple 'Hi'?," Phoebe ranted. Prue rolled her eyes, already tired of her sister's nonsensical ramblings.  
  
"None of the above. Although, I believe I do have time for a 'Demon attack. Get your ass to the attic.'," Prue answered, grabbing the trashy excuse for a book and tossing it aside.  
  
"Prue! Antone was just trailing his fingers gently across her-," Phoebe started before being jerked out of the chair roughly.   
  
"If you finish that sentence," Prue threatened, her face inches from Phoebe's, "I will personally make sure that every last romance novel in the house is destroyed." Phoebe gasped, and pulled away from her sister.  
  
"No. They are priceless works of art, everyone of them. Especially Unbridled Passion... Fine, you go first," Phoebe said, rushing her words. She was still in shock from the terrifying threat as she followed her older sister up the staircase.  
  
"Anyway," Prue said as the reached the attic, "This demon. He didn't really do much. He appeared in a cloud of smoke, waved his hands theatrically, and disappeared. Like a modern day Houdini."  
  
"Then how do you know he was a demon? I mean, he could have been a being of light," Phoebe pointed out with surprising logic.  
  
"Well, I don't know Phoebe. Could it have been that he had DEMON painted across his chest in big yellow letters?," Prue asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes at her younger sister's stupidity.  
  
"Oh, yeah, that could be some sort of sign," Phoebe answered thoughtfully. After a few minutes, her face lit up with a revelation. "Couldn't DEMON stand for something? Like..I dunno. Drunk Ex-Monkey On Narcotics?," she wondered excitedly, thrilled with her own ingenious.  
  
"Wow, Phoebe, you actually convinced me that your IQ is even lower than I thought," Prue muttered dryly. Phoebe's fallen expression had her backtracking. "Uh...I mean WOW! Phoebe," she corrected, putting animation into her features, "You ACTUALLY convinced me that your IQ is even LOWER than I thought!" Phoebe grinned, distracted from the harsh words by the amazement in Prue's voice.  
  
"I know. I shock myself sometimes," she answered modestly, practically swooning over herself. For once, Prue ignored the urge to hit her in the face with a baseball bat, and focused her attention on the Book of Shadows.  
  
"Here he is," Prue exclaimed, making Phoebe scramble to "read" over her shoulder. "A modern day magician who goes by the name of Houdini. He doesn't have a whole lot of magic, can't harm you in any way, but watch out! This trickster can drive you bonkers with his wild and creative magic. He can nab you and disappear with you, but he can do little more. He is known as the thief of memories. That is why there are so many forgetful people these days. He doesn't take anything important. Just dates of birthdays, anniversaries, or appointments. He is a funny, funny fellow!," Prue read aloud, then sneered at the text. "Who wrote this? Some fruitloop chick in advertising?," she asked, closing the Book.  
  
"We had an advertiser in our family?," Phoebe squealed, "Maybe she worked for a magazine like me!" This time, Prue barely contained her snide remark, and instead smiled placatingly.  
  
"Maybe," she agreed in a sugary tone, "Pheebs? Do you remember that baseball bat I keep in my closet?" Phoebe nodded, her eyes going wide.  
  
"Will you go get that for me?," she continued, smiling sinisterly. Phoebe rapidly shook her head, backing away from her older sister.  
  
"No way, Prue. Last time you asked that I landed in the hospital. Mysteriously. That thing is bad luck!," Phoebe stammered, shuddering at the memory. Damn. She got smarter. She really should stop hitting Phoebe in the head. She might actually beat sense into her, and that would take the fun right out of everything.  
  
"Alright," Prue relented, "Then let's find Piper and vanquish this sorry excuse for a demon."   
  
"I don't think he's sorry at all Prue," Phoebe argued, following her down the stairs, "He can do magic tricks! How cool is that? I wish I had active powers..."   
  
"Aw, Pheebs. Remember what Piper and I taught you? Your powers are very "special"," Prue countered, tired of this song and dance. Did she ever really learn anything? Prue smiled to herself. Of course not. It WAS Phoebe!  
  
"Yeah, they are pretty special!," Phoebe agreed, smiling. She hugged Prue, nearly causing them both to fall down the remaining steps. BAM! A premonition hit her. Convenient, jsut like everything else that happens to the Charmed Ones.  
  
"Prue! I saw this weird guy dressed in a top hat and a suit. He was standing over a bunch of cowering naked men. And they were BOINGING!," Phoebe exclaimed in horror. Prue laughed at the comical expression on her sister's face, then sobered as she thought of the 'innocents' in trouble. Although if naked men boinging were considered innocent, she didn't know if she could do this job much longer.   
  
"The guy in the top hat was Houdini," Prue explained, "And the naked, boinging men I suppose are our innocents." Phoebe nodded, indicating that she understood. "Good," Prue thought, "The imbecile actually GOT IT. I didn't know how I was going to put it in simpler terms."  
  
"We should call Leo. See what he knows about Houdini that wasn't in the Book," Phoebe suggested. Surprisingly, Prue thought the idea was halfway intelligent. Then Phoebe ruined it. "Maybe he can ask the Elders too." The Elders...what did they know? They were nothing but pansy ass nobodies who sat 'up there' twiddling there thumbs, waiting for the next disaster to happen, conveniently forgetting the fact that they could stop the whole thing from happening if they jsut....Phoebe shook her out of her thoughts, waving a hand over her face to get her attention.  
  
"What?," Prue snapped. Phoebe pouted for a minute, then smiled.  
  
"Nothing, you just looked out of it. So, are we going to call Leo?," she asked cheerfully.  
  
"Yeah, sure, why not," Prue said, waving her hand in dismissal.  
  
"Leo!," Phoebe screamed. Prue winced. The loud mouth didn't have to bellow like a dying cow..sheesh. Leo orbed in, his usual "What happened now. It isn't like I'll do anything, but that isn't the point" look on his face.   
  
"Leo, we need you to tell us about Houdini," Phoebe ordered. Leo tossed her a tolerant look.  
  
"Alright Phoebe," he said slowly, "Why don't you tell me when you first started seeing this Houdini character."   
  
"I didn't see him. Prue did," Phoebe corrected, "Tell him Prue." Prue stopped her fits of hysterical laughter long enough to take a breath.   
  
"She's right," she told him, gasping, "I did see him. He isn't a 'character', he's a magician slash demon." Leo stared at her, alarmed.  
  
"Wait. THE Houdini?," he asked in horror. Prue gaped at him, pondering his obvious awe of the demon.  
  
"Yes, Leo, THE Houdini," she repeated, nodding her head. Leo opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to speak, then gave up and orbed out.  
  
"Prue you didn't tell me his name was THE Houdini," Phoebe complained, glaring at her childishly. Prue rolled her eyes.  
  
"Must have slipped my mind," she told the idiot...er..Phoebe. Piper chose that time to come walking through the front door, saving Phoebe from another vacation. A very long, painful vacation...  
  
"Demon," Piper yelled, stopping and carefully hanging her coat on the rack. After taking Prue's off and straightening, she put it back and walked into the living room.  
  
"This is like Deja Vu All Over Again," Prue muttered, "Was it a funny looking dude with a top hat?" Piper nodded in confirmation.  
  
"It's THE Houdini," Phoebe whispered dramatically. Piper made it a point to ignore her.  
  
"So you saw him too?," she asked Prue, who rolled her eyes.  
  
"A little slow today are we?," Prue asked sarcastically.  
  
"Forget which sister you're talking to again?," Piper threw back. Prue grinned.  
  
"Anyway, his name's Houdini," she started before Phoebe interrupted.   
  
"THE Houdini," she clarified. Prue pushed her out of the way. Sometimes, no, all the time she wanted to kill her sister. For now, she contented herself with sending her sprawling to the floor.  
  
"He is a magician slash demon. Can't hurt us, but can make us disappear with him. That and make us forget stuff. He isn't very intimidating at all...," Prue finished over the squalling Phoebe. "Can it, sis. Why don't you go read 'When Lust Goes Bad'?," Prue suggested. Anything to make her SHUT UP. Phoebe immediately stopped crying and ran to pick up the book from where Prue had thrown it earlier.  
  
"That's right. Antone was trailing his fingers gently across her..." Phoebe remembered excitedly. Prue shot her an icy look.  
  
"Unbridled Passions is going to BURN, Pheebs," Prue whispered menacingly.  
  
"Shutting up now," Phoebe promised, then gulped very loudly. Prue waited until she buried her head in the book before she looked away.  
  
"How did we get blessed with such a flaming imbecile for a sister?," Prue asked Piper. Piper narrowed her eyes angrily.  
  
"She isn't a 'flaming imbecile'. You need to stop calling her that. You are going to hurt her feelings," Piper reproached. Prue shrugged. Who really cared?   
  
"Guys, I have something really important to tell you," Leo said upon orbing in. Piper and Prue turned questioning looks on him.  
  
"You have a long lost sister named Paige. The Elders want you to find her, convince her that she is family and a witch, then They will give her her powers," he explained hurriedly. A dead silence settled over them.  
  
"Honey, I think you need to lie down," Piper said worriedly. Leo waved her off.  
  
"No you don't understand. I am telling the truth. The Elders are really worried about Houdini. They say you may need more than the Power of Three to vanquish him. Otherwise, you wouldn't be meeting Paige unless one of you died," he told them hurriedly.  
  
"They are freaking out over a MAGICIAN? He doesn't even have real powers," Prue said, doubling over in laughter.  
  
"They are terrified of him. With good reason. He has captured the Sillies," Leo informed her in hopes of quieting her. Prue only laughed harder.  
  
"Leo, are you on drugs?," Piper asked suspiciously. Leo shook his head emphatically.  
  
"The Sillies. Only the most odd and revered creatures in the "happy little fields."," Leo emphasized, his eyes widening at her obvious puzzlement.   
  
"OK, OK, calm down," Piper soothed, "I want you to start from the beginning. Can you do that? Jsut tell us the history of these...Sillies." Leo took a deep, steadying breath.  
  
AN: Twin and I would like to thank Houdini and the Sillies. They are NOT a figment of our twisted imaginations. Ever forgotten something you were jsut reminded of seconds before? That is the work of Houdini! Well, for now, adios!  
  
Charmed Writer  
  
Starring Piper 


	2. Perfect like Prue

Disclaimer: This sick injustice of the world is as follows: We do not, nor will we ever, own Charmed. However, because we refuse to accept this sad and unfair fact, we will continue to use the characters in our twisted stories. I advise you not to try to explain to us our disillusions. The results would not be pretty.  
  
AN: Twin A: Hello and welcome to our less than average  
  
Twin B: agonizingly un-funny attempt at humour.  
  
Parental discretion is NOT necessary. We really do not need that kind of hassle. We do, though, caution you against reading on if you are: 1) eating 2) under the age of 12 OR 3) in any way against playful and harmless insults. Thank you and review  
  
FLAMING IS WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS!!  
  
"I'm surprised you haven't run across an entry about the Sillies in the Book of Shadows," Leo told them, "Their history stretches back further than even Melinda Warren. The Sillies are so old, in fact, that even the stories about them are outdated and forgotten."  
  
Piper rolled her eyes at him. Leo took that as encouragement, and glanced at Prue for the same. Prue jsut stared back at him with a blank expression. Well, it was an improvement from the constant scowl, anyway.  
  
"The reason that it is so important that they are saved is because without them, the entire world is in jeopardy," he explained, pausing for dramatic purposes. Neither Prue nor Piper looked impressed. What else was new?   
  
"The Elders want you to get Paige and rescue the Sillies from the gutter. If you fail, the world spins into chaos and things as you know it will dissolve," he finished in a grave voice. Wow, this was so different from every other time a demon showed up.  
  
"So," Prue asked in her bored tone of voice, "after I-I mean we, although we know that I really do all the work around here anyway-rescue the Sillies, jsut what do you propose we do with them?"  
  
"Return them to the 'happy little fields'," Leo said, using the tone he always used with Phoebe. The one that said 'Come here, little idiot girl, let me show you.'. Weren't they in the least bit concerned about what was going to happen?  
  
"Leo, what exactly do the Sillies do?," Piper asked. Oooh, the million dollar question.   
  
Leo glanced at her. Were they all morphing into Phoebes? "They enable people to engage in se-.."  
  
"Leo, that kind of talk is hardly necessary!," Prue screeched, "Save the pillow talk for later."  
  
"No," Phoebe insisted, "Let him talk!"   
  
Leo shot her a grateful look, thought about it, and appeared horrified. Phoebe was grinning at him, her tongue practically hanging out of her mouth in a pant. Prying his eyes from her face, Leo concentrated on Piper.  
  
"Right, anyway, as I was saying," he continued, quite disturbed, "You must return the Sillies to the "happy little fields". If you do not, the world will no longer be able to have se-.."   
  
The doorbell rang, drowning out his last word. Sighing, Prue knocked Phoebe, who had been scrambling to get the door, out of the way and marched to the front door. Piper choked back a laugh when Phoebe hit the ground, then helped her halfway up and dropped her again when she heard Prue shout. Phoebe tumbled to the floor and Piper hurried to see what Prue was fussing about.  
  
"Piper, can you get rid of this bimbo on our doorstep?," Prue demanded, waving a hand to indicate a very pale-skinned woman. Piper rolled her eyes and attempted to smile politely. The girl was sucking on a lollipop frantically, going at it like a...um, baby with a pacifier. Yeah.  
  
"Can I help you?," Piper asked, still trying to use manners.   
  
"Ah, screw it," Prue muttered and used telekinesis to throw the woman into the street.  
  
"Prue, that wasn't very nice," Piper reprimanded tersely. Prue shrugged, a malicious smile spreading across her face.  
  
"Maybe not, but at least it wasn't Phoebe this time," she pointed out. Piper sighed and shoved the door closed. Phoebe was wailing so loudly from the other room she didn't bother replying. Prue wouldn't have heard her anyway. At this very moment, she actually wished it had been Phoebe Prue had sent toppling into the street. Then, maybe a car could come speeding down the...  
  
"Piper, make Leo heal me! I got an owie," Phoebe said in a wavering voice, holding up her carpet-burned elbow. Piper felt like back handing her, but gave Leo a warning look instead. He quickly placed his hand over Phoebe's 'wound'.  
  
Prue watched her idiot sister curiously, still not quite sure how Phoebe managed to act like a child one minute, and a sex-crazed slut the next. Some people had all the good traits. Brains, beauty, sense of humour... Then, there was Phoebe. Shaking her head sadly, she tuned in back in to her family.  
  
"Piper, you guys need to summon Paige somehow. You can't defeat Houdini without her," Leo was saying. Prue felt her fragile ego being attacked.  
  
"There is nothing I can't do," she said loudly. Piper ignored her, quite used to the arrogant statements her sister made. Leo didn't even pause in his argument.  
  
"The Elders are certain that if you face him with only Phoebe and Prue, you all will be destroyed," he continued, trying his best to be convincing.  
  
"Hello, if we needed a little halfling to help us, Mom would have kept the mutt in the first place!," Prue interrupted once more.  
  
"Prue!" Piper admonished, sighing. If this whole Paige thing was real, then it looked like Paige was going to be the new youngest. And if Prue's behavior with Phoebe was any guide to how she behaved toward her youngest siblings, then Piper was going to be in for double the middle sister duty. There were definitely times when she felt as though being the middle sister called for using the middle finger.   
  
"So," she continued, looking at Leo now, "jsut how do you suggest we go about finding her?" Leo looked exasperated, sighing and rolling his eyes up toward "Them" in the way that only he could.   
  
"You could try using a spell, using your magic!!! Honestly, you would think that you guys had never done this before...actually, you would think that you had never done this before every time we battle a new demon, since you have the same problems every single time..."   
  
"Okay!" Prue broke in. "So, Leo, why don't you go and ask the Elders for more information, since we can't do anything without the help They provide and all, and we will sit here and wait like like the precious little angels we-or at least I-am. Or are. Or were." Grammar and tenses had never exactly been Prue's strong suit. Not thinking to doubt his charges one iota...despite the fact that Prue had pulled the whole 'you go do this and we'll wait, but then proceeded to sneak out the door' thing many, many times in the past. It could be chalked up to the fact that he was a very gullible...ahem, trusting whitelighter. Leo orbed away as he was told, and Prue smirked in truimph.   
  
"Prue, if you really think that those damn Elders are going to help us out here, then you are even more delusional than your extreme pride and self-love leads me to believe already." Prue gave Piper an icy glare, resenting the slur on her perfect intelligence. Yes, perfect. Everything about her was perfect.   
  
"Of course I don't." She snapped, "Those freaks are two senile to be of any help whatsoever. They are called 'Elders' for a reason, after all..." Piper did her best to disguise her laugh with a cough. Being the sweet middle sister certainly had it's drawbacks, one of which was that she wasn't really supposed to be mean ever. Jsut quiet. And innocent. Now Prue tugged on Piper's hand, pulling her toward the door.   
  
"Grab Freebie." She ordered. Piper backed up.   
  
"Prue, I'm not sure that we should go out and attempt this on our own...I think we should know more first..." Prue sighed in irritation. She loved her middle sister...especially when she compared her to the freak that was the youngest, but sometimes Piper's extreme scaredy cat qualities could be annoying. Well, that and the way that she dated all those demons, but that was beside the point...   
  
"Piper, what more could we possible need to know?," Prue asked and Piper nearly choked on the air, which had suddenly become thick with an all-consuming pride. Smiling, Piper said the first thing that came to her mind.  
  
"Well, for instance, where exactly the gutter is located," she suggested, feeling a burst of confidence hit her. Finally, she'd outdone Prue. Right?  
  
"You must think I am a complete airhead, either that or you've somehow confused me with the Phoebs," Prue said coldly, "I know where the gutter is. I know all."  
  
Phoebe suddenly decided to make an appearance in the conversation. After sitting on the floor twirling her hair for the past ten minutes, it was at least a more intelligent thing to do. Maybe.  
  
"Prue, you don't know all! That's the Elder's job," Phoebe corrected her. Nope, she should have kept playing with her hair. Prue glared at her, but, because she wanted to continue with HER plan, chose to ignore the freak. Later, Phoebe would pay...Contented with the thought of the baseball bat hidden away in a closet, Prue turned her attention once again to Piper.  
  
"Are you coming or not?," she demanded in a way that suggested that she would readily charge off alone. Piper nodded reluctantly, giving in as always. Prue grinned, pleased that her perfect plan was going along perfectly in the way that she had so perfectly planned it to go.  
  
Piper dragged a screaming Phoebe away from the floor, while Prue got into her 'battle mode', which consisted of her screwing her face up in what was supposed to be an inimidating glare, but what usually ended up looking as though she was in dire need of a good lay.   
  
"My hair was being all pretty. It was twisting up, and then un-twisting up," Phoebe protested loudly. Piper smiled placatingly. Jeez, she hated this job.  
  
"If you come with us, we'll give you something shiny to play with," she offered. Phoebe giggled in delight, fully forgetting her earlier hair amusement. Piper smirked, pleased with herself. It worked every time...  
  
Finally, the Charmed Ones were ready. Phoebe was equipped with new her new piece of aluminum foil, Piper with her leather, demon-dueling jacket, and Prue with...well, herself, which was more than adequate.  
  
"Hey Prue," Piper called as they exited, leaving the door unlocked as per usual. Prue ignored her, completely distracted by the woman who was making her way up thier sidewalk.  
  
"Not you again," she groaned, "I thought for sure I'd gotten rid of you!"  
  
"No such luck," the woman stated, grinning, "I'm Paige." She stuck out her hand, which Piper warily accepted. Strange how this woman had the same name as their alleged youngest sister.  
  
"Piper. This is Prue, and that," she said pointing at her younger sister, "is Phoebe. Now, what do you want?" Paige looked slightly offended, but quickly got over it.  
  
"Never mind all that," Prue cut in, "Look, either you stay out of my way or I'm going to-"  
  
"Prue," Piper warned reproachfully, "Paige, would you by any chance be an adopted child?" Paige gaped at her.  
  
"Wow, are like, psychic or something?," she asked.  
  
"Nope, she isn't, but I am!," Phoebe told her eargerly.  
  
"Shut up, Phoebe," Prue growled hatefully. Phoebe sulked, but remained silent.  
  
"I have an interesting story to tell you," Piper told Paige.   
  
"Fine, Piper, if you insist on telling the half-breed, I mean Paige, about our...family, then you're telling her on the way to the gutter," Prue said angrily, furious at Piper for ruining her plan. Leaving no room for argument, Prue stalked off, knowing that her sisters would follow. After all, she was the best of them. Sniveling, ungrateful little...  
  
AN: There you go, another chapter. Really sorries it took SOOOO long, but we were having jsut a tad bit of trouble. Hope you enjoyed, don't forget to review! 


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